Thank you,Mr. Tata, but where do I park my car

Mr.Pachori and Ms.Sunita Narain can scream on top of their voices about environmental pollution and global warming. I, the common man of India, don’t give a fig. I need a respectable means of transport and I am glad you thought about it, Mr.Tata. I thank you profusely for it.

I am tired of driving my scooter behind a stinking garbage truck blowing black CO2 on my face. I am tired and scared of driving with my kids and wife on a single bike in this unbelievable traffic. As you have rightly pointed out, it might rain anytime and I may not find a place to take shelter.

I am tired of hanging on the footboards of overcrowded buses and gasping for my breath in the hostile crowds of the local trains. And worse, I never know, when my pocket will be picked.

I am tired of haggling with the auto drivers over every extra penny that they demand or fleece through faulty meters.  

I will listen to the likes of Pachori when I see merit in what they say. I will gladly purchase a CFL lamp instead of a bulb, not just because it is environment friendly, but because it is a better product. It is brighter and cheaper in the long run. It makes sound economic sense. 

I am not going to listen to Mr.Pachori on this issue. When the whole world has been driving a car for years, I have rarely even got into a taxi. A car has been the collective dream of our family right from the time of my grandparents. When I am offered an opportunity to buy a car, I dont want to be denied the chance to realise my dream, with talks on global warming and environmental pollution. Where were all these arguments when Henry Ford made those gas guzzling black cars available to the then common man in America? 

I am all for your car Mr. Tata.  By my standards, it is still an expensive indulgence, but not entirely out of my reach. I will somehow manage to pool in my savings and take a loan and buy your car. I will somehow manage the extra outflow for fuel. Maybe I will use public transport more often and take out my car only when I really need it or go out with my family, to compensate for the additional expense (this must be music to Mr.Pachori’s ears). 

But Mr.Tata, I have only one apprehension. I stay deep down in a narrow gully – my bike just about squeezes through. Where do I park my car? 

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3 Responses to Thank you,Mr. Tata, but where do I park my car

  1. Narendra Khot says:

    Thank You Mr. Tata…

    Finally, the People’s Car is here! The technological marvel of the twenty first century(which the entire world held its breath for – if one goes by the newspapers) has finally been announced. And by all accounts in the news media, we Indians are delirious with joy! The Tata camp must of course, be erupting with celebrations…

    Congratulations, Mr Tata! In one master stroke, you have solved the problem of commuting for the entire extended Indian middle class, catapulted India firmly to the top of the global auto manufacturing scene and generated employment for hundreds of people in God-forsaken places – though some ungrateful wretches insist otherwise!

    This car is so cheap – it will surely notch up sale by the million. I mean, imagine a Car priced cheaper than some high end TVs or Refrigerators! Every Indian who always wanted a car but could not afford one will now – with a little effort – buy one. The number of vehicles on the same roads will increase dramatically, especially in the Metros, so what? The availability of cars to thousands of first time drivers (many of them twenty year olds or even teenagers) and the increased congestion will certainly result in a rise in traffic accidents, loss, injury and in some cases, death. The automobile repair and health care industry will be eternally indebted to you. Thank you, Mr. Tata!

    Some short sighted fools point out that the People’s car is not of the ‘folding’ variety – it will require parking space, already a point of contention in most urban residential areas. They fear that these additional cars will lead to a vitiated atmosphere and fuel widespread strife between neighbors. But of course, new cars will need to be parked, wont they? So what are a few brawls on the street? Anybody gets hurt, the Hospitals get business!
    The greatest of Economists may not have imagined the kind of stimulus that this car will impart to all round economic activity! I mean, think of the overall prosperity this aspect implies – local Goons, beat Cops, small-time politicians, municipal officials – everybody stands to gain from this car, don’t they? Can there be a better example of CSR? Thank You, Mr. Tata!

    The People’s Car will also stir competitors into action, worldwide. The mind boggles when one begins to think of the all round prosperity which will accrue from these efforts.

    In order to achieve the most impressive fuel efficiency possible, it is obvious that metals will be replaced by sundry plastics wherever possible – the kind that does not bio-degrade for a very long time, the kind which is not repairable or recyclable – only replaceable. The kind usually excluded under Insurance policies. But why bother about the environment at all – we are talking business here! The Plastic Industry owes you one here – Mr. Tata! A big hand for you!

    Guess what, it gets better. Who stands to gain the most (after Tata Motors) from this ‘milestone in the history of mankind’? The Government, of course! Hundreds of thousands of new users will ramp up the consumption of petrol – and the sale of every liter of petrol will rake in more revenue through taxes – after all, Rs. 28 out of every Rs.50 worth of Petrol goes to the Government! Refineries and Petro product marketers will flourish and share prices will zoom.

    So let us stop whining about greenhouse gases, social costs and increased dependence on Petroleum imports. What if a few glaciers melt here and there; and a few billion people live under a perpetual threat of being submerged by rising seas. Doesn’t the increased taxation revenue and all round share market gains make it right in the end?

    And can we stop moaning about silly theoretical stuff like increased Air pollution and respiratory diseases? What about the profits which the Pharma companies will rake in on sale of respiratory disorder drugs? Thank you once again, Mr. Tata! You have really outdone yourself this time…!

    This product is the crowning glory of your long and illustrious career. What a way to march off into the sunset, with the launch of a breakthrough product! At the same time, it is also a milestone in the glorious Tata tradition of corporate social responsibility.

    Can there be a better and wiser application of your tremendous industrial and financial might, R&D expertise and concern for universal social welfare? The great JRD would surely be proud – this is resounding vindication of his choice of successor! The philanthropic activities of the Tatas are well known. More profits for the Tatas have always meant more charity. So it is all for the greater good anyway!

    And if you promise to open more charitable hospitals all over, we gladly promise to stop whining about our pollution levels, climate changes and increasing traffic accidents.

    Thank you Mr. Tata! The People’s Car will surely drive mankind in the right direction – towards the future that we truly deserve. God bless you, for the happy days that will be soon upon us…

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